You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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