fuck your aforementioned shoe
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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