sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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