theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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