I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
