Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone says I win the strip club
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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