Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
