My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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