Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
