you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
