the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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