where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
