There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
