Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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