Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
