last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
