she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
