Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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