Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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