I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
