i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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