She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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