Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
