When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
