She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
