imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize