Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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