Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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