T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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