Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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