What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
