Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need water and some morals
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
