I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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