sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
