I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
