Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
