Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
