Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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