I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
