whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
