i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
