She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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