gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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