dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize