My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
