I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
