I have demons in me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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