I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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