this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
