things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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