brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
