I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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