you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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