You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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