She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
