is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
