...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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