So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
