Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
