i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
