im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
