we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
