i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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