You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
