Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
