I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
