See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
