So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize