I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
